it is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their
bedroom to anyone outside. the following two hadith are about this:
first: "verily among the worst people before allaah on the day of judgement is a man
who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets."
[muslim, ibn abi shaiba, ahmad and others].
second: "on the authority of asmaa bint yazid who narrated "that she was once in the
presence of the prophet and there were both men and wo men sitting. the prophet then
said: "perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman
might inform someone what she did with her husband?" the people were silent. then i
said: "o, yes! o messenger of allaah verily both the women and men do that." then
the prophet said: "do not do that. it is like a male shaitaan who meets a female
shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!" [ahmad: hasan
or saheeh due to supports]
the obligation of a wedding feast
the husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the marriage. this is based
on the order of the prophet to 'abur-rahman ibn 'auf to do so, and on the hadith narrated
by buraida ibn at-haseeb, who said: "when 'ali sought the hand of faatimah (the
prophet's daughter) in marraige, he said that the prophet said: "a wedding (and in
another version "a bridegroom") must have a feast." the narrator said: "sa'ad said: '(a
feast) of a sheep.' someone else said: 'of such and such a quantity of corn." [ahmad and
at-tabaraani: its isnaad is acceptable as al -haafiz ibn hajr says in fathul -baaree: 9/188]
the sunnah of the wedding feast
the following should be observed with regard to the wedding banquet:
first: it should be held ('aqb - fathul baaree: 9/242-244) three days after the first
wedding night, since this is the tradition of the prophet which has reached us. on the
authority of anas who said: "the prophet entered upon his wife and sent me to invite
some men for food." [al-bukhaaree and al-baihaqi]. also on the authority of anas, he said:
"the prophet married safiya, and her freedom was her dowry. he gave the feast for
three days." [abu ya'laa and others: hasan].
second: one should invite the righteous to his banquet whether they be rich or poor. the
prophet said: "do not be the friend of any except believers, and have only the pious eat
your food." [abu dawood, at-tirmidhee and others: saheeh].
third: if one is able, he should have a feast of one or more sheep. based on the following
hadith, anas said: "abdur-rahmaan came to al-madeenah, and the prophet assigned
sa'ad ibn ar-rabee' al-ansaariy as his brother. sa'ad took him to his house, called for
food, and they both ate. the sa'ad said: "o my brother, i am the wealthiest of the people
of al-madeenah (in another version: "... of the ansaar"), so look to half of my property
and take it (in another version: "... and i will divide my garden in half"). also, i have
two wives (and you, my brother in allaah, have no wife), so look to which of mine
pleases you more, so i can divorce her for you. then upon the completion of the
prescribed waiting period, you may marry her." 'abdur-rahmaan said: "no, by allaah,
may allah bless you in your family and your property. show me the way to the market-
place."and so they showed him the way to the market-place and he went there. he
bought and he sold and he made a profit. in the evening , he came back to the people of
his house with some dried milk for cooking and some ghee. after that some time elapsed,
until he appeared one day with traces of saffron on his garments. the prophet said to him:
"what is this?" he said: "o messenger of allaah, i have married a woman among the
ansaar." the prophet answered: "what did you give her for her dowry?" he answered:
"the weight of five dirhams in gold." then, the prophet said: "may allaah bless you,
give a feast if only with one sheep." 'abdur-rahmaan said: "i have seen myself in such
a state that if i were to lift a stone, i would expect to find some gold or silver under it."
anas said: "i saw after his death that each of his wives inherited one hundred
thousand dinars." [al-bukhaaree, an-nasaa'ee and others].
also on the authority of anas he said: "i never saw the prophet sponsor such a wedding
feast as the one he gave for zainab. he slaughtered a sheep and fed everyone meat and
bread until they ate no more." [al-bukhaaree, muslim and others].
wedding feasts without meat
it is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is available and affordable,
even if that does not include meat. this is based on the following hadith narrated by anas:
"the prophet stayed between khaibar and al-madeenah for three days during which
he had entered with his wife safiya . then i invited the muslims to his wedding feast.
there was neither meat nor bread at his feast. rather, leather eating mats were
brought out and on them were placed dates, dried milk, and clarifi ed butter. the people
ate their fill." [al-bukhaaree, muslim and others].
participation of the wealthy in the feast
it is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the wedding feast based
on the hadith narrated by anas about the prophet's marriage to safiya: "then, when we
were on the road, umm sulaim prepared her (safiya) for him (the prophet and brought
her to him at night, and so the the prophet awoke the next morning a new bridgegroom.
then he said: "whoever has something, let him bring it." (in another version, he said
"whoever has an excess of provisions, let him bring it.") anas continues: "and so the
leather eating mats were spread out and one man would bring dried milk, another dates
and another clarified butter and so they made hais (hais is a mixture of the above three
things). the people then ate of this hais and drank from pools of rainwater which were
nearby, and that was the wedding feast of the prophet." [al-bukhaaree, muslims and others].