O Parents! You Cannot Build Without a Model - I

Dear educator, you cannot build without a model as your child imitates you and follows your steps literally. 

Hence, when we speak about building faith, we have to speak about a faith-boosting example first. Likewise, when we speak about building the child’s morals, first we have to speak about the moral role model.

When we speak about sacrificing for the sake of Islam, then we have to speak first about the example, because this is the only way to get things right.

Allaah The Exalted Says (what means): 

• {There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allaah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allaah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allaah often.} [Quran 33:21] 

• {There has certainly been for you in them an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allaah and the Last Day. And whoever turns away - then indeed, Allaah Is The Free of need, The Praiseworthy.} [Quran 60:6]

Scientists say that children learn through imitation, since their ability to ‎observe and imitate during this stage is wonderful. ‎Scientists even describe it as a formation process in ‎accordance with an example followed by the child. ‎Children learn speech through imitation, listening and ‎observation. They also acquire their tendencies in life and ‎learn the values and the right to choose, as well as their ‎traditions. In other words, children learn from the behavior of those who are around them. Therefore, we (educators and parents) should be more careful about what we do and what we say because we are the role models for our children.

If the children lose the role model represented in their parents or educators, then teaching will be of no use and all our efforts to have a righteous generation from those children will be in vain. The reason is simple: they see that our words and actions are not the same. 

Values cannot be imposed on children, but good example is the only thing that can attract them to these values.

Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And the good land - its vegetation emerges by permission of its Lord; but that which is bad - nothing emerges except sparsely, with difficulty. Thus do We diversify the signs for a people who are grateful.} [Quran 7:58]
Good example does not mean mere words; rather, it comprises good behavior and actions. If you want to attach your child to the mosque or the Quran, first you have to be attached to them.

If you want to make your child observe Thikr (remembrance), then you should make frequent Thikr yourself. 

The Prophet  attaches Ibn ‘Abbaas to worship: 

Ibn ‘Abbaas  said, 

“I came to the Messenger of Allaah  at the end of the night and prayed behind him. He took my hand and drew me to stand in line with him, and when the Messenger of Allaah  turned back to his prayer, I took a step backwards. The Messenger of Allaah  prayed, and when he had finished his prayer, he said to me: ‘What is the matter? I made you stand in line with me, then you took a step backwards!’ I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, is it right for anyone to pray in line with you when you are the Messenger of Allaah to whom Allaah The Almighty has given such a high status?’ He was pleased with me and supplicated Allaah The Almighty to bestow more understanding and knowledge upon me.”

He added, “I saw the Prophet  sleeping until he was breathing deeply. Then Bilaal  came and told him that prayer had started. So, he went out and prayed without making ablution again.” [Al-Albaani: Saheeh]

Ibn ‘Abbaas  said, 

“One day, I was riding behind the Prophet  when he said: ‘O boy! I will teach you some words. Be watchful of Allaah (commandments of Allaah The Almighty), He will preserve you. Safeguard His rights and He will be ever with you. If you beg, beg of Him alone; and if you need assistance, supplicate Allaah alone for help. Remember that if all people gather to benefit you, they will not be able to benefit you except with that which Allaah has written (for you); and if all of them gather to do harm to you, they will not be able to afflict you with anything other than that which Allaah has written against you. The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried up." [Al-Albaani: Saheeh]

This is what the Prophet  did with ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Abbaas . He did not tell him to wake up and pray, but he started praying and then took ‘Abdullaah  beside him. In other words, the Prophet  provided the good (and the greatest) example that taught the Habr [Senior Scholar] of the Ummah (Muslim nation), i. e., Ibn ‘Abbaas ).

The importance of the “theory of attaching”:

We saw how the Prophet  led his Companions through good example and how this good example affected their personalities magnificently until we saw many of them as good memorizers of the Quran and brave fighters in the cause of Allaah The Exalted. 

This proves that we should adopt the theory of attaching in upbringing, because this theory is the practical interpretation of “upbringing through example”. 

The attaching theory means linking the child to a true role model who applies the morals to which we want to accustom our child. That is why the righteous educator is very important and precious.

The righteous predecessors and Muslim kings used to bring educators to their children and they used to choose the educators who were fit to be role models for their children. 
In his Muqaddimah, Ibn Khuldoon reported,

Haaroon Ar-Rasheed said to the educator of his son, Muhammad Al-Ameen, 'O Ahmad, the Commander of the Believers is entrusting (his son) to you, the life of his soul and the fruit of his heart. Take firm hold of him and make him obey you. Occupy in relation to him the place that the Commander of the Believers has given you. Teach him to recite the Quran. Instruct him in history. Let him transmit poems and teach him the Sunnah (tradition) of the Prophet . Give him insight into the proper occasions for speech and how to begin (a speech). Forbid him from laughing, except at times when it is proper. Let no hour pass in which you do not seize the opportunity to teach him something useful. However, do so without vexing him so as not to kill his mind. Do not always be too lenient with him, or he will get to like leisure and become used to it. As much as possible, correct him kindly and gently. If he does not respond that way, you must then use severity and harshness.’

‘Abdul-Malik ibn Marwaan advised the educator of his children saying, "Teach them to tell the truth just as you teach them the Quran and accustom them to beautiful morals. Make them memorize poetry to be brave and noble. Accompany them to the noble people and senior scholars, but keep them away from the mean people and slaves, because they are the most ill-mannered of all people. Respect them in public and censure them in private. Beat them if they lie, because lying leads to vice and vice leads to Hell."

(To be continued)