The Virtue of Nurturing Girls - II

Consider, may Allaah have mercy upon you, how Allaah The Almighty mentions houses in relation to women in three occasions in His Book, despite the fact that these houses (in most cases) belong to their guardians. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means):

• {And remember what is recited in your houses of the verses of Allaah and wisdom.} [Quran 33:34]
• {And abide in your houses.} [Quran 33:33]
• {Do not turn them out of their [husbands'] houses.} [Quran 65:1]

So, be eager to bring up your daughters to abide in the home, and adhere to firmness for it is more beneficial for their religion and more likely to bring you honor in this world and the Hereafter.

Third: Giving her shelter in a house full of Thikr (mentioning and remembering Allaah), worship and righteous deeds. It is true that some women do not come out of their houses, but their houses, at the same time, are inhabited by the human devils and the jinn, where women do not veil themselves from the men who are not their Mahrams (unmarriageable relatives), and their sons and those of the paternal and maternal uncles and aunts go and come and enter everywhere they like with neither a cover nor a veil.

The same is true of the driver and the servant, as if they have foster relations with them, for they enter upon the women of the house with no veil. Such a house is not fit to be a refuge, for it is a house in which honor is violated.

Also, some women do not come out of their houses, but their houses are filled with corruption-causing devices and channels of singing and adultery. The girl there thus learns, listens to and sees what is unlawful, is tempted away from her religion and strays and gets corrupted more than if she goes to markets.

Is this a refuge, O slaves of Allaah?

The real refuge lies in a screening shelter that guards and maintains your honor: "Whoever has three daughters whom he gives refuge, provides for and shows mercy to, Paradise is inevitably guaranteed for him."

That was the refuge; now what is intended by providing for them?
This is explained in the narration of Muslim: "Whoever looks after two girls until they attain the age of maturity." An-Nawawi  said, "It means to raise them and provide them with sustenance." It is further explained in his (the Prophet's saying: "And dresses them from what he has."

Yes, O slaves of Allaah! To provide the woman with what she necessarily needs of food, clothing and sustenance is among the obligatory duties and one of the greatest acts that bring men closer to Allaah.

Men should provide women with these things so that they would not need to come out of the house to work and earn their living. They should provide them with these necessities so that they would not think about committing a sin or deviation.

The Prophet  said: "To provide for them," and did not say to make them transgress by giving them what is beyond their needs as many fathers, may Allaah guide them, do with their daughters. They give their daughters all that they ask for, and whenever one's daughter has a desire for a certain thing, they hasten to buy it for her to fulfill her desire, and whenever they request anything, they hurry with full power in response to her command.

This kind of indulgence destroys the girl and would shorten her marital life. Once such a girl moves to the house of her husband and is no longer pampered, she rebels against her husband because she misses what she was brought up on.

On the other extreme are other men who fall short of fulfilling the necessities of their women, shouting at them things like, "Why do you not come out and work like so-and-so who obtains her needs and what is sufficient for her?" Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And [they are] those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate.} [Quran 25:67]

The third qualification and condition included under being kind (to girls) lie in his statement: "And shows mercy to them." What is the real nature of mercy? What is intended by it?

The first thing that occurs to the mind is its apparent and general meaning; to show mercy to them is to sympathize and show pity for them, not to beat them, and everything else included in the meaning of mercy, which are, no doubt, true. However, the real mercy one should show girls lies in two things:

First: to show mercy to them by earnestly seeking and seriously working to keep them away from the Wretched Settlement that is the Fire. That is to bring them up on the rituals of Islam, the establishment of prayers, adherence to Hijaab and the maintenance of their chastity: {O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.} [Quran 66:6]

The man who shows sympathy towards his daughters, pampers them and is spiritually and materially kind to them, and, at the same time does not command them to perform prayers, to observe fast or to adhere to Hijaab, is in fact a tyrant and plain enemy of them, for he is not sincere in advising them, and he does not help them and keep them away from the Fire of Hell.

That is the real mercy, O company of believers. The Prophet  said: "My parable in relation to that of my Ummah (nation) is like a man who kindled a fire and when it lit all around him, moths and insects started falling into the fire. I am there to catch hold of you (in order to save you) from the fire. But you plunge into it and overpower my efforts.”

This is only one of many forms with which Allaah The Almighty honored the woman and raised her esteem. Which honor and high esteem are better than exhorting men to enter Paradise and be gathered in the company of the Prophet  and kept away from the Fire of Hell, if they are kind to the girls in their care, look after their affairs and take care of them perfectly?

So, fear Allaah, O slave-girl of Allaah, and be proud of that honor, and remember that the final statement of the Prophet  before he left this world was: "And I advise you to be kind and good to women."

Thus, he commanded and advised us to be good and kind to you, O woman. So, be a good helper to your guardians to achieve that great task, and bear in mind that your honor and glory lie in your adherence to your religion. And, O men, be good and kind to your girls – your daughters and sisters, and be aware of the fact that this great reward you have been told about is qualified by these heavy qualifications, which are easy for the person on whom Allaah The Almighty makes it easy, and within the capacity of him who strives his utmost and is eager to do them.

And Allaah is the guardian of success.