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  2. The Etiquettes of Marriage And Wedding_By Al Albani
  3. Showing Kindness towards the Wife

Showing Kindness towards the Wife

20834 2008/04/07 2024/05/19
Article translated to : العربية

it is desirable, when one goes into his wife on his wedding night, to show her kindness,

such as presenting her with something to drink, etc. this is found in the hadith narrated

by asmaa' bint yazid ibn as-sakan who said: "i beautified 'as'ishah for allaah's

messenger, then called him to come to see her unveiled. he came, sat next to her, and

brought a large cup of milk from which he drank. then, he offered it to 'aa'ishah, but she

lowered her head and felt shy. i scolded her and said to her: "take from the hand of the

prophet." she then took it and drank some. then, the prophet said to her, "give some to

your companion." at that point, i said: "o messenger of allaah, rather take it yourself

and drink, and then give it to me from your hand." he took it, drank some, and then

offered it to me. i sat down and put it on my kness. then, i began rotating it and

following it with my lips in order that i might hit the spot from which the prophet had

drunk. then, the prophet said about some women who were there with me: "give them

some." but, they said: " don't want it." (ie. we are not hungry). the prophet said:we

"do not combine hunger and fibbing!" [ahmad and al-humaidi. ahmad reports it with 2

isnaads - one of which supports the other, and it is supported...]"



placing your hands on your wife's head and praying for her


the husband should, at the time of consummating the marriage with his wife or before

that, place his hand on the front part of her head, mention the name of allah most high,

and pray for allah's blessings. as in the statement of the prophet: "when any of you

marries a woman ... he should hold her forelock, mention allah most high, and pray for

his blessings saying: "o allaah, i ask you for the good in her and the good with which

you have created her, and i seek refuge in you from the evil in her and the evil with

which you have created her." {allaahumma innee as'aluka min khairiha wa khairi maa

jabaltaha 'alaihi wa a'oodhubika min sharriha wa sharri maa jabaltaha 'alaihi} [aboo

dawood and others. al-bukhari in "af'aalul -'ibaad", aboo dawood, ibn majah, al-haakim, al-

baihaqee and aboo ya'laa with hasan isnaad ...]



the praying of husband and wife together


it is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 rakaat together on their wedding night.

this has been narrated from the earliest generation of muslims, as in the following 2



first: on the authority of abu sa'eed mawla abu asyad who said: "i got married while i

was a slave. i invited a number of the companions of the prophet, among them was ibn

mas'ood, abu dharr and hudhaifa. when the prayer was called, abu dharr began to step

forward when the others said to him: 'no!' he said: 'is it so?' and they said: 'yes.' then,

i stepped forward and led the prayer though i was a slave possessed. they taught me,

saying: 'when your wife comes to you, pray 2 rakaat. then, ask allaah for the good of

that which has come to you, and seek refuge in him from its evil. then it is up to you

and it is up to your wife.'" [ibn abi shaibah and 'abdur-razzaaq]

second: on the authority of shaqeeq who said: "a man named abu hareez came and

said: 'i have married a young girl, and i am afraid that she will despise me.' 'abdullah

ibn mas'ood said to him: "verily, closeness is from allaah, and hatred is from shaitaan,

who wishes to make despicable that which allaah has allowed. so, when your wife

comes to you, tell her to pray behind you 2 rakaat.'" in another version of the same story,

"'abdullah went on to say: 'and say: 'o allah give your blessings on me in my wife,

and to her in me. o allaah join us together as long as you join us in good, and split us

apart if you send to us that which is better.'" [ibn abi shaibah and at-tabaraani and 'abdur-

razzaaq: saheeh].



what to say at the tim e of making love


when a muslim man is about to enter his wife, he should always say first:

bismillahi, allahumma jannibnaa ash-shaitaan, wa

jannib ash-shaitaan maa razaqtanna

[in the name of allah, o allah, keep us away from the devil, and

keep the devil away from that which you may grant us (ie.


about this, the prophet said: "after that, if allah decrees that they will have a child, the

devil will never be able to harm that child". [al-bukharee]

[some scholars say that children are disobedient to their parents usually because the parents

forget/forgot to say the above duaa before having sex.]



how he should come to her


it is allowed for a muslim man to enter his wife in her vagina from any direction he

wishes - from behind or from the front. about this allaah revealed the following verse:

"your wives are a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth

when or how ye will" [al-baqarah 2:223]

there are also various hadith on this subject, of which i will give only 2:

on the authority of jaabir who said: "the jews used to say that if a man entered his wife

in the vagina but from behind, their child would be cross-eyed! then allaah revealed the

verse: "your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye

will;" [al-baqarah 2:223]. the prophet said : "from the front or the back, as long as it is

in the vagina". [al-bukharee and muslim]

on the authority of ibn 'abbaas who said: "the ansaar, who had been polytheists, lived

with the jews, who were people of the book. the former viewed the latter as being

superior to them in knowledge, and used to follow their example in many things. the

people of the book would only make love to their wives from the side, this being the most

modest way for the woman, and the ansaar had followed their example in that. these

people from the quraish, on the other hand, used to expose their women in an uncomely

manner. they took pleasure in them from the front, from the back, or laid out flat. when

the makkans came to al-madeenah at the time of the hijrah, one of them married a

woman from among the ansaar, and began doing that with her. she disapproved of it and

told him: "we used only to be approached from the side, so do that or stay away from

me!" this dispute became very serious until it reached the ears of the prophet. so allaah,

revealed the verse: "your wives are as a tilth unto you, so approach your tilth when or

how ye will;" [al-baqarah 2:223] (ie. from the front, the back, or laid out flat). what is

meant here is the entry which produces children." [aboo dawood, al -haakim and others:

hasan isnaad and is supported].



the prohibition of sodomy


it is forbidden for a muslim man to enter his wife in her anus. this is understood from

the verse quoted above (i.e. since a "planting ground" can only refer to a place where

something might grow), and from the narrations cited above. there are also other hadith

on the subject, among them:


first: on the authority of umm salama who said: "when the muhajireen came to ansaar

at al-madeenah, some of them married women from the ansaar. the women of the

muhajireen used to lie on their faces (during intercourse), while the women of the ansaar

never did it that way. then, one of the men of the muhajireen wanted his wife to do that.

she refused until such time as she could ask the prophet about it. she went to the prophet

but was embarassed to ask the question, and so umm salama asked him. then the verse

was revealed which says: "your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth

when or how ye will;" [al-baqarah 2:223]. the prophet said: "no! (not any way you wish)

except in one opening! (ie. the vagina)". [ahmad, at-tirmidhee and others : saheeh]


second: on the authority of ibn 'abbaas who said: "'umar ibn al-khattaab came to the

prophet and said : 'o messenger of allaah, i am destroyed!' the prophet asked: 'and

what has destroyed you, o 'umar?' 'umar said: `i turned my mount around last night.'

(an expression which means he has sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the

vagina while mounting her from the rear.) the prophet gave him no answer and when the

revelation came and the verse was revealed which says: "your wives are as a tilth unto

you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-baqarah 2:223] and the prophet said:

"from the front and from the back, just beware of her anus and her menses". [an-

nasaa'ee in "`ishratun-nisaa" with hasan isnaad, at-tirmidhee and others].


third: on the authority of khuzaima ibn thaabit who said: "a man asked the prophet

about entering women in the rear, or the entering by a man of his wife in her rear, and the

prohet answered: `halaal (ie. permissible).' when the man turned to leave, the prophet

called him or ordered for him to be called back and said : "what did you say? in which

of the 2 openings did you mean? if what you meant was from her rear and in her

vagina, then yes. but if what you meant was from her rear and in her anus, then no.

verily allaah is not ashamed of the truth - do not enter your wives in their anuses!"

[as-shaafi, al -baihaqi and others: saheeh]


fourth: "allaah does not look at one who comes to his wife in her anus". [an-nasaa'ee:

hasan isnaad and supported in "al-'ishrah"; at-tirmidhee and ibn hibbaan].


fifth: "cursed are those who come to their wives in their anuses." [aboo dawood,

ahmad and others with hasan isnaad and is supported].


sixth: "whoever has sexual intercourse with a mentruating woman, or a woman in

her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is told has disbelieved in

that which was revealed to muhammad.” [aboo dawood, at-tirmidhee and others: saheeh].


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