The Prohibition of spreading Bedroom Secrets

it is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their

bedroom to anyone outside. the following two hadith are about this:

first: "verily among the worst people before allaah on the day of judgement is a man

who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets."

[muslim, ibn abi shaiba, ahmad and others].

second: "on the authority of asmaa bint yazid who narrated "that she was once in the

presence of the prophet and there were both men and wo men sitting. the prophet then

said: "perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a woman

might inform someone what she did with her husband?" the people were silent. then i

said: "o, yes! o messenger of allaah verily both the women and men do that." then

the prophet said: "do not do that. it is like a male shaitaan who meets a female

shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!" [ahmad: hasan

or saheeh due to supports]

the obligation of a wedding feast

the husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the marriage. this is based

on the order of the prophet to 'abur-rahman ibn 'auf to do so, and on the hadith narrated

by buraida ibn at-haseeb, who said: "when 'ali sought the hand of faatimah (the

prophet's daughter) in marraige, he said that the prophet said: "a wedding (and in

another version "a bridegroom") must have a feast." the narrator said: "sa'ad said: '(a

feast) of a sheep.' someone else said: 'of such and such a quantity of corn." [ahmad and

at-tabaraani: its isnaad is acceptable as al -haafiz ibn hajr says in fathul -baaree: 9/188]

the sunnah of the wedding feast

the following should be observed with regard to the wedding banquet:

first: it should be held ('aqb - fathul baaree: 9/242-244) three days after the first

wedding night, since this is the tradition of the prophet which has reached us. on the

authority of anas who said: "the prophet entered upon his wife and sent me to invite

some men for food." [al-bukhaaree and al-baihaqi]. also on the authority of anas, he said:

"the prophet married safiya, and her freedom was her dowry. he gave the feast for

three days." [abu ya'laa and others: hasan].

second: one should invite the righteous to his banquet whether they be rich or poor. the

prophet said: "do not be the friend of any except believers, and have only the pious eat

your food." [abu dawood, at-tirmidhee and others: saheeh].

third: if one is able, he should have a feast of one or more sheep. based on the following

hadith, anas said: "abdur-rahmaan came to al-madeenah, and the prophet assigned

sa'ad ibn ar-rabee' al-ansaariy as his brother. sa'ad took him to his house, called for

food, and they both ate. the sa'ad said: "o my brother, i am the wealthiest of the people

of al-madeenah (in another version: "... of the ansaar"), so look to half of my property

and take it (in another version: "... and i will divide my garden in half"). also, i have

two wives (and you, my brother in allaah, have no wife), so look to which of mine

pleases you more, so i can divorce her for you. then upon the completion of the

prescribed waiting period, you may marry her." 'abdur-rahmaan said: "no, by allaah,

may allah bless you in your family and your property. show me the way to the market-

place."and so they showed him the way to the market-place and he went there. he

bought and he sold and he made a profit. in the evening , he came back to the people of

his house with some dried milk for cooking and some ghee. after that some time elapsed,

until he appeared one day with traces of saffron on his garments. the prophet said to him:

"what is this?" he said: "o messenger of allaah, i have married a woman among the

ansaar." the prophet answered: "what did you give her for her dowry?" he answered:

"the weight of five dirhams in gold." then, the prophet said: "may allaah bless you,

give a feast if only with one sheep." 'abdur-rahmaan said: "i have seen myself in such

a state that if i were to lift a stone, i would expect to find some gold or silver under it."

anas said: "i saw after his death that each of his wives inherited one hundred

thousand dinars." [al-bukhaaree, an-nasaa'ee and others].

also on the authority of anas he said: "i never saw the prophet sponsor such a wedding

feast as the one he gave for zainab. he slaughtered a sheep and fed everyone meat and

bread until they ate no more." [al-bukhaaree, muslim and others].

wedding feasts without meat

it is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is available and affordable,

even if that does not include meat. this is based on the following hadith narrated by anas:

"the prophet stayed between khaibar and al-madeenah for three days during which

he had entered with his wife safiya . then i invited the muslims to his wedding feast.

there was neither meat nor bread at his feast. rather, leather eating mats were

brought out and on them were placed dates, dried milk, and clarifi ed butter. the people

ate their fill." [al-bukhaaree, muslim and others].

participation of the wealthy in the feast

it is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the wedding feast based

on the hadith narrated by anas about the prophet's marriage to safiya: "then, when we

were on the road, umm sulaim prepared her (safiya) for him (the prophet and brought

her to him at night, and so the the prophet awoke the next morning a new bridgegroom.

then he said: "whoever has something, let him bring it." (in another version, he said

"whoever has an excess of provisions, let him bring it.") anas continues: "and so the

leather eating mats were spread out and one man would bring dried milk, another dates

and another clarified butter and so they made hais (hais is a mixture of the above three

things). the people then ate of this hais and drank from pools of rainwater which were

nearby, and that was the wedding feast of the prophet." [al-bukhaaree, muslims and others].