Raising the child - the way of Islamic upbringing

now, we will start discussing the way of islamic upbringing:

first of all, we will touch upon one of the common issues in the eastern muslim societies. it is the issue of preferring male children for females.

in fact, this is an issue from which many people suffer. it existed in al-jaahiliyyah (corrupt practices of pre-islamic era). allaah the almighty says:

{and when one of them is informed of [the birth of] a female, his face becomes dark, and he suppresses grief. he hides himself from the people because of the ill of which he has been informed. should he keep it in humiliation or bury it in the ground? unquestionably, evil is what they decide. }[an-nahl: 58-59]

they used to bury female babies alive fearing that they may bring them something shameful. allaah the almighty has threatened them saying:

{and when the girl [who was] buried alive is asked, for what sin she was killed.}[at-takweer: 8-9]

feeling angry because of having female baby is one of the dispraised conducts of jaahiliyyah. moreover, they used to congratulate one another for the death of the female babies. once a female baby died for an arab man (i.e. in the times of jaahiliyyah), so they went to him to console him, he said to them: “why did you come to console me? i have in her death three benefits. they said: ‘what are they?’  he said: an ‘awrah[1] which allaah the almighty has concealed, expenditures which allaah has relieved me from, and a sorrow that allaah has taken away from me.

however, islam has come to encourage having female children and made them bear all good and blessings. they can make one enter paradise and avoid the hellfire, providing that he raised them well (i.e. according to the islamic teachings). 

muslim reported from anas ibn maalik, may allaah be pleased with him, that the messenger of allaah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “whoever takes care of two girls until they reach adulthood - he and i will come together on the day of resurrection (like this) - and he interlaced his two fingers.”

‘aa’ishah, may allaah be pleased with her, said: "a woman entered upon me and she had her two daughters with her. she asked me [for food] and i did not have anything except one date. i gave it to her and she shared it between her daughters and did not eat any of it herself. then she got up and left. the messenger of allaah, peace and blessings be upon him, came in and i told him (what had happened). he, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “whoever is tested with any of these girls and he treats them kindly, they will be a shield for him against the hellfire.”

furthermore, abu sa’eed al-khudri, may allaah be pleased with him, narrated that the messenger of allaah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “there is no one who has three daughters, or three sisters, and he treats them well, but allah will admit him/her to paradise.” [saheeh (authentic); al-adab al-mufrad]

also, jaabir ibn ‘abdullaah, may allaah be pleased with him, narrated that the messenger of allaah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “anyone who has three daughters and provides for them, clothes them and shows mercy to them will definitely enter the paradise." a man from the people said, "and two daughters, o messenger of allah?" he, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "and two."”[saheeh (authentic); al-adab al-mufrad]

ibn ‘abbaas, may allaah be pleased with them, narrated that the messenger of allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “there is no muslim who has two daughters and takes good care of them but that he will enter the paradise.”

some other men when their wives give birth to female children, they forsake them and search for other wives. however, the modern science came to prove that man is genetically responsible for the gender of the fetus. actually, all of this occurs according to the al-qadar (preordainment) and command of allaah the almighty. no one has anything to do in this effect. allaah the almighty says: {to allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth; he creates what he wills. he gives to whom he wills female [children], and he gives to whom he wills males. or he makes them [both] males and females, and he renders whom he wills barren. indeed, he is knowing and competent.}[ash-shoora: 49-50]

it is purely a gift from allaah the almighty for there are some people who are deprived from having children. they wish anything male or females children. they spend so much money to get a child. all of these matters are decided by the command and qadar of allaah the almighty.

allaah the almighty says:

{but perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. and allah knows, while you know not.}[al-baqarah: 216]

firstly, relationship between the father and his son:

relationship between the father and his son is one of the most important kinds of relationship that islam cared about.

moreover, the status of the parents cannot be undermined by anything of whatever it is, even disbelieving in allaah the almighty cannot undermine the rights of parents. allaah the almighty says:

{but if they endeavor to make you associate with me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness.}[luqmaan: 15]

love of the parents to their children is something natural. it is an innate disposition in the father. therefore, we do not see that the noble quran or the sunnah recommend the parents to take care of their children. that is because father does not need anything to recommend him to take care of his son. recommendation of this kind never mentioned except in the matter of inheritance. allaah the almighty says: {allah instructs you concerning your children: for the male, what is equal to the share of two females.} [an-nisaa’: 11] 

allaah the almighty did not instruct the father concerning his children or with showing kindness to them because he has innate disposition of loving and showing kindness to them. let us contemplate the story of ya‘coob (jacob) and yoosuf (joseph), peace be upon them. allaah the almighty says:

{and he turned away from them and said, "oh, my sorrow over joseph," and his eyes became white from grief, for he was [of that] a suppressor. they said, "by allah, you will not cease remembering joseph until you become fatally ill or become of those who perish."  he said, "i only complain of my suffering and my grief to allah , and i know from allah that which you do not know.}[yoosuf: 84-86]

ja‘coob, peace be upon him, went blind due to his severe sadness and excessive weeping for yoosuf; however, what about yoosuf then? we do not know anything that he was afflicted by anything due to separating from his father or due to his sadness for separating from his father. but ya‘coop, the wounded father who lost his son. he did not give up weeping for yoosuf, longing and fearing for him until his eyes were affected. due to his excessive love to his son, he knows him through the smell of his clothes.

allaah the almighty says:

{take this, my shirt, and cast it over the face of my father; he will become seeing. and bring me your family, all together." and when the caravan departed [from egypt], their father said, "indeed, i find the smell of joseph [and would say that he was alive] if you did not think me weakened in mind." they said, "by allah , indeed you are in your [same] old error."}[yoosuf: 93-95]

dear muslim brother, know that your child will not be dutiful to you while you are old unless you raised him properly and taught him the obedience of his lord and respecting his religion.