Raising the child - the most important rulings of raising children in Islam

here are the most important rulings of raising children in islam:

1-   performing prayer and parents should be a good example for them:

it is the greatest and most important matter before reaching the age of puberty while the child is still young like the little tree that takes, does not give, needs continuous care and attention until it becomes strong, has firm roots and branches, and give fruits.

the first step in performing this care is to command him to pray. abu daawood reported from ‘amr ibn shu‘ab, from his father, from his grandfather, who narrated that the messenger of allaah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “tell your children to pray when they are seven years old and smack them if they do not pray when they are ten, and separate them in their beds.”

getting used to prayer in the young age teaches the child to carry the responsibility, respect appointments, obedience, self-dependence, mix with the people, respect the old and get used to go to the house of allaah (i.e. the mosque).

once ‘umar ibn ‘abdel azeez came late to prayer because the female slave girl was combing his hair. when his father knew this, he commanded his (of ‘umar) hair to be shaved. it is really a great punishment.

umm ahmad ibn hanbal used to warm up water to him so as to perform the supererogatory prayer of night and then go to fajr prayer while his age was seven years.

the hadeeth of the prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, concerning commanding learning prayer at the age of seven and smacking at the age of ten, guides us to adopt a gradual approach with the children i.e. the child will spend three continuous years in getting trained on performing prayers at its due time, which is the most beloved deed before allaah the almighty. when he completes this training course and begins to approach the stage of puberty and forming character, he should be punished if he neglects prayer so that it may be engraved in his mind the importance of prayer and thus becomes an integral part of his psychological and character formation.

think attentively about the words of shaykh al-islam ibn taymiyah in his book al-fataawa: “it is obligatory for every person in authority to instruct those over whom he has authority to pray, even the children who have not yet reached puberty. the prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “instruct your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack them (if they do not pray) when they are ten, and separate them in their beds.” 

whoever has a slave who is a minor, an orphan or a child and does not instruct him to pray, the adult may be given a severe disciplinary punishment (ta‘zeer) if he does not instruct the minor (to pray), because he has disobeyed allaah and his messenger, peace and blessings be upon him.”

as for the righteous and good example, it is one of the greatest forms of indirect education. that is because the male and female children imitates their parents in all that they are doing. this imitation has the greatest effect on education and forming character.

accordingly, the parents should be cautious that their children may know their defects and thus imitate them in doing them. this will be engraved in their minds because learning during one’s childhood is like engraving knowledge on a stone.

2-   instilling best morals and manners in him since his tender ages:

 al-bukhaari and muslim reported that ‘umar ibn abi salamah said: “i was a boy in the lap of the messenger of allaah, peace and blessings be upon him, and my hand was roaming around in the plate (while i was eating).  the messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “o young boy, say the name of allaah and eat with your right hand, and eat from what is nearest to you.” 

the branches if you try to make them straight, they will respond, but they would not if you try to make them straight after becoming wood.

teaching good morals to children is beneficial in the young ages, but it will not at the old ages.

muhammad ibn waasi‘saw his child walks arrogantly. he said to him: “how awful is this way of walking? your mother and father are just humble persons. so, what did make you arrogant?

3-supporting him financially, providing him with a noble life and hitting if it is necessary:

the prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “spend on your family from what you can afford and keep educating and disciplining them. instill in them fear of allaah the almighty.” [reported by ahmad in his al-musnad and al-albaani deemed it saheeh (authentic)]

hitting is one of the most important basic methods of education; however, it has some conditions so that it may not cause a negative effect.

we observe that hitting does not mentioned except in two places:

the first is in the saying of allaah the almighty: {but those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them.} [an-nisaa’: 34]

also, hitting was also mentioned in the hadeeth of the prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, after the child spends three years training to get used to performing prayer in congregation at the mosque.