Building the Social Character 2- Preparing the Child for his Future Life
this preparation is based on building his self-confidence, training him to depend on himself, strengthening his will and assertiveness and developing his talents.
there are means that help accomplish all this such as:
respecting the child
this respect means to honor the child and not to mock him, even if he fails to do something or makes a mistake. respecting him involves praising him when he succeeds, consulting him in some matters especially the things that matter to him, approving his right opinions and guiding him softly in case he gives a wrong opinion (). if one of the parents or relatives ridicules the child and criticize how he looks or thinks, other members of the family should intervene and praise the child to develop his self-confidence, they should also prevent those who ridicule the child because it leads to low self esteem and insecurity issues especially when he grows up. mocking children and criticizing them causes a shaken weak character who gives up on ideas so quickly for fear of being ridiculed or mocked by others, even if his opinions or ideas were right, because he is not used to self-trust and respect ever since he was a little child.
assigning him some tasks
the first step is assigning him some simple tasks to fulfill his need for independence and self-assertion. studies proved that the child needs to feel independent since an early age. this is shown in his wish to eat on his own, wash his hand, brush his hair, dress himself and help others. the mother should satisfy this independence need in her children by giving them some privacy, helping them without irony and not to spoil them with too much care and love ().
* the second step is training and habituating the child to arrange his room and accomplish some of his needs. if there are servants in the house, the child should know that servants are for the house in general not specifically to serve him, so every person should take care of his own needs and tasks ().
* the third step is represented in many phases such as: entrusting him in keeping trusts, authorizing him to buy and sell and other tasks according to his age and capacity.
* letting the child mingle with the people because life is a school, and the child will not learn how to live unless he practices in daily situations. so, the child should be taken to family gatherings, visits, banquets and weddings, provided that these gatherings and parties conform to religious regulations. there are experiences that can only be learnt through going out and meeting new faces. the child might learn some bad habits or bad words which should be corrected immediately (), yet he should not be banned from going out or meeting new people because this is the only way he can learn new things and adjust to different situations and people.
* the parent should teach his child the manners of social gatherings and talking with others. he should let him answer questions on his own, and not to prompt him with answers. he should teach him not to gossip and ask him to share in the conversation ().
* the parent should strengthen his will through training him to have patience and avoid unnecessary luxuries. the child learns to be patient and control himself in the first months of his life, if the mother delays for a short time in answering his cries, calls and needs such as food, drinking or anything. this delay should not be too long to the limit of hurting the child (). also, what disciplines the child and gives him more self-control is not to answer all his requests, and not to give him all the excessive luxuries so that he does not get spoiled ().
* the parent should accustom the child to submit to the guiding authority that controls his conduct and limits his risky wishes. this way he will learn the proper manners in different situations () and conform to society by yielding to the common social traditions (). it is highly favorable that the parent convinces the child of the social customs, as for religious duties and obligations it is not necessary for the child to be convinced to fulfill those duties, he should respect and submit to those heavenly orders because they are duties set by almighty allah ().
* preparing the boy is different than preparing the girl; we should not let the daughter sit in men’s gatherings if she turns four or five years old and not to play in the streets. she should be taught values of good manners, chastity and shyness. the mother should prepare her daughter for wearing a hijab (islamic headscarf) and modest clothes; she should train her to be a successful wife and a caring mother (). the mother should treat her daughter as a friend sometimes by letting her take part in the housework, dressing, beautification, make-up and women’s interests. the father should befriend his son, take him when he runs errands for the house, take him to the mosque and dress the child in a similar manner so that the child feels proud. yet, the father should be careful when he takes his child with him during trips with friends, because the child can get attached to any of those friends in a drifting immoral way. the father should be careful because the son can learn something impolite from this friend that he admired, also the friend can be corrupt or pervert and the father does not know about it, so his eyes should be always open and alert towards the kind of people who surround the son or daughter.
() min akhta'na fi tarbiyat awladna by mohamed al saheem: page 84, 87 and 111.
() tasmeem al barnamaj al tarbawee liltifel by yousryah sadeq and zakaria al sherbini: page 49-50.
() kaifa nurabee aftalna by mahmoud al istanbouly: page 78.
() manhaj al tarbiyah al islamiyah by mohamed qutb: page 405-408.
() min akhta'na fi tarbiyat awladna by mohamed al saheem: page 74-87.
() nimaw al tifel wa tansh'tuh by fawziyah diab: page 111-112.
() kaifa nurabee aftalna by mahmoud al istanbouly: page 38-40.
() tasmeem al barnamaj al tarbawee liltifel by yousryah sadeq and zakaria al sherbini: page 53-54.
() nimaw al tifel wa tansh'tuh by fawziyah diab: page 114.
() mas'ulayt al abb al muslim fi tarbiyat al walad by adnan baharith: page 328.
() tarbiyat al banat fi al bayet al muslim by khaled al shantout: page 78-79 and 54.